Healing from Limerence: A Therapist’s Perspective

As a therapist specialising in limerence, I’ve witnessed the emotional turbulence that can accompany this often misunderstood experience. Limerence is not just about attraction or romantic interest. It is an intense, consuming emotional state marked by obsession, idealisation, and emotional dependency. For many, it feels like being trapped inside a private storm of longing, hope, and despair.

Healing from limerence is not simply about moving past a particular person or ending a one-sided connection. It is about understanding the deeper emotional patterns that make us vulnerable to this experience. Often, limerence arises in response to unmet needs, emotional wounds, or unresolved attachment dynamics.

It tends to emerge during times of emotional vulnerability, especially when a person is feeling lonely, stressed, or disconnected from themselves. It often attaches itself to people who are emotionally unavailable, distant, or ambiguous. These conditions create space for fantasy to flourish. In that space, the mind fills in the gaps with hope and projection.

Therapy begins with making sense of what limerence actually is. Many people come to therapy believing they are simply in love, but what they are often experiencing is longing without clarity, connection without reciprocity, and a fixation that offers little emotional nourishment. Together, we begin to explore what this experience is pointing to.

A large part of the therapeutic work involves identifying the emotional patterns and triggers that keep the cycle of limerence in motion. This includes looking at the kinds of situations that intensify longing, the behaviours that maintain the fantasy, and the thoughts that reinforce obsession. By gently observing these patterns, clients can begin to loosen their hold.

Therapy also helps shift attention away from the other person and back onto the self. Often, the limerent state distracts us from our own feelings. In focusing so completely on the other, we lose touch with what is happening internally. Learning to name and explore our own emotional experience is central to healing.

This means asking what needs we are trying to meet through the fantasy. What does this person symbolise? Is it safety, validation, or the hope of being seen and chosen? These are important questions. When we begin to understand the emotional function of the obsession, we can start to find more direct and nourishing ways to meet those needs.

Mindfulness and emotional awareness are powerful tools. Rather than reacting to every surge of emotion or spiral of thought, clients learn to sit with the experience, to observe it without needing to act on it. Over time, this reduces the compulsive pull and creates more space to choose differently.

When limerence occurs within the context of an existing relationship, the healing process often involves relational repair. This includes honest reflection about the state of the relationship, communication about unmet needs, and exploration of how emotional distance may have contributed to the vulnerability to limerence. In these situations, therapy helps both individuals find a pathway back to connection, if that is what they want.

Attachment patterns often play a significant role. Anxiously attached individuals may be more prone to limerence because of their heightened sensitivity to emotional availability. Avoidantly attached individuals may be drawn to longing itself, engaging in relationships that allow intensity without true closeness. Exploring these patterns in therapy can bring clarity and help shift long-standing relational dynamics.

Ultimately, healing from limerence is about reclaiming the self. It is about recognising your own worth, learning to meet your emotional needs with care and clarity, and building relationships based on mutual presence rather than projection. This process requires time, self-compassion, and often the steady support of a therapeutic relationship.

As painful as it can be, limerence is also a doorway. It reveals something within us that is ready to be seen and healed. It asks us to come back into contact with ourselves, to stop chasing something outside, and to turn toward our own unmet longings with gentleness and curiosity.

If you are currently struggling with limerence, know that you are not alone and that healing is possible. Therapy offers a safe and supportive space to understand your experience, reconnect with yourself, and begin to shift the patterns that keep you stuck.

My upcoming book explores limerence in greater depth, offering insight, reflection, and practical strategies to support your journey toward freedom and emotional clarity.