How to Support Someone Experiencing Limerence

Supporting someone who is experiencing limerence is delicate and emotionally complex. The experience of limerence involves obsessive thinking, emotional intensity, idealisation, and a deep longing for connection with a person who may not be fully available or responsive. While the experience may feel isolating and confusing for them, your presence and understanding can offer an important source of grounding and reassurance.

The first step in offering support is to understand what limerence actually is. It is not simply a crush or infatuation. Limerence is a heightened emotional state characterised by intrusive thoughts and feelings, driven by fantasy and reinforced by uncertainty. When you understand the psychological nature of limerence, you can meet the person with more compassion and understanding.

If someone confides in you about their limerence, it is important to listen without judgment. They may be feeling embarrassed, ashamed, or afraid of being misunderstood. Your role is not to fix the situation but to create a safe space where their feelings can be explored and met with care. Acknowledge the reality of what they are experiencing and resist the urge to downplay it. Even if the feelings seem irrational or exaggerated from the outside, they feel very real from within.

Rather than telling them to move on or suggesting that it is just a passing phase, try to hold space for their emotions. At the same time, it may be helpful to gently invite reflection. You might ask them what they find so compelling about the person they are focused on, or whether they feel the image they are holding is based in reality. These questions are not meant to challenge or confront, but to open a space where fantasy and reality can begin to be differentiated.

In some situations, supporting someone may also involve encouraging healthy boundaries. If they are constantly initiating contact with the person or exposing themselves to triggering situations, you can gently suggest ways to create more distance. These might include taking a break from certain forms of communication, spending less time in shared spaces, or turning attention toward self-nourishing activities. Boundaries can help interrupt the cycles that keep the emotional fixation alive.

Therapy can be an essential part of healing from limerence. If the person is open to professional support, encourage them to connect with a therapist who understands the nature of limerence and its emotional roots. Therapy can help them explore underlying attachment patterns, process unresolved emotional wounds, and develop healthier ways of relating. You can offer to help them find resources if they feel unsure of where to begin.

You might also support them in turning their attention back toward themselves. Limerence often pulls energy outward. Inviting someone to re-engage with their own interests, friendships, and creative pursuits can help restore emotional balance. Practices like mindfulness, journaling, or even gentle movement can offer space for reflection and grounding. Encouraging these kinds of self-care routines can be deeply supportive, especially when done consistently over time.

At the same time, it is important to be mindful of your own boundaries. Supporting someone through limerence can be emotionally demanding. If you find yourself feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, or unsure of how to help, it may be wise to speak with a therapist yourself. Getting support can help you show up with more clarity and resilience while also protecting your own emotional health.

The path out of limerence is rarely immediate. It requires time, patience, and the willingness to look inward. Your role as a supportive presence is not to offer solutions but to be a steady and compassionate witness to their experience. By offering empathy, encouraging gentle reflection, and supporting steps toward healing, you help create the conditions for change to occur.

If you would like more tools and insight into the emotional landscape of limerence and how to support someone through it, my upcoming book explores this topic in depth. It offers a thoughtful and practical guide to navigating limerence, whether you are experiencing it yourself or supporting someone you care about.