Recognising Limerence as a Clinical Condition

Limerence is often spoken about in casual terms, as though it were just another word for infatuation or romantic obsession. But for those who experience it, limerence is far more disruptive than a passing crush. It is marked by intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency, fantasies that blur with reality, and a powerful craving for reciprocation that can last for months or even years.

Despite the intensity of this experience, limerence is not currently recognised as a clinical diagnosis. This leaves many people feeling misunderstood or dismissed. They may be told they are simply in love, struggling with attachment issues, or experiencing anxiety. While there is overlap, limerence has a distinct profile that deserves more attention and research.

In my clinical work and research, I define clinically significant limerence as lasting at least three months and including enough symptoms to create significant distress or impairment. These symptoms include obsessive thinking, volatility in mood depending on perceived attention or rejection, emotional dependency, withdrawal from other areas of life, and difficulty disengaging even when the relationship is unhealthy or one-sided.

The effects can be profound. People caught in limerence may lose sleep, struggle to focus at work, withdraw from friendships, or become trapped in cycles of self-doubt and despair. The experience can resemble addiction, with the nervous system responding to intermittent signs of attention in ways that reinforce obsession.

Recognising limerence as a clinical condition is not about pathologising love. It is about acknowledging that there is a state of mind and body that goes beyond healthy attraction and creates real suffering. By naming it, we can begin to develop appropriate treatment approaches, build awareness, and reduce the shame many people feel when they cannot simply “move on.”

Greater research is needed, and there is value in considering whether limerence should one day be included in diagnostic frameworks like the DSM. For now, therapists can help by learning to identify the pattern, validate the client’s experience, and offer strategies for recovery.

For individuals experiencing it, understanding that limerence is more than just unrequited love can be empowering. It shifts the focus from blaming oneself to recognising that there is a psychological process at play that can be understood, managed, and healed.

My upcoming book Limerence: The Psychopathology of Loving Too Much explores this argument in detail, presenting case studies, theoretical frameworks, and clinical tools for therapists and individuals alike. It is my hope that by shedding light on limerence as a distinct phenomenon, we can open the door to greater recognition, research, and compassionate care.

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