A friend of mine recently shared a quote on her social media page that highlighted how, as a society, we often strive to always appear positive in public, only share good news, and even apologise when we are not in a blissful mood. I believe this phenomenon can cause significant distress. The notion that we are only acceptable when we are happy, in a good space, or have good things to share completely disregards the other half of our human experience. This can leave parts of ourselves feeling lonely, abandoned, and unlovable.
The shadow parts of ourselves—those we hide away—are often desperate for expression. We repress these parts because we believe them to be shameful. Perhaps their expression caused us pain in the past, such as rejection from parents, teachers, lovers, or friends. In response, we learned to hide these parts as a form of self-protection against further hurt.
The Consequences of Repressing Ourselves
The more we repress these aspects of ourselves, the more they seek expression in other ways. If they cannot come out, they go further in. We internalise feelings of shame, aggression, and sadness, pushing them deeper into our psyches. Society often supports this dysfunctional pattern by glorifying positivity. No one wants to be seen as the downer, the complainer, or the person who is not having a good time.
What we need to remember is that, like the moon, we are cyclical beings. When we allow ourselves to, we can experience and express the full range of emotions throughout our days, weeks, and lives.
Welcoming the Shadow
Working with our shadow parts means exploring the darker landscapes of our psyche and welcoming these aspects of ourselves with love. By doing so, we become more fully embodied in our authentic selves. To illustrate the absurdity of constantly striving to appear happy, I like to imagine the following scenario:
The moon, in her dark phase, walks through the marketplace with her little basket, collecting what she needs. She feels down, flat, and empty, hoping not to interact with anyone. Despite her efforts, she bumps into people and has to engage. Instead of expressing her true self in that moment, she pretends to be full. “I’m beaming,” she tells her friends, who can clearly see she is in darkness.
This is what we often do. By pretending to be "full," we send the message that our darker parts are shameful and must be hidden. But this is not true. The dark moon is just as beautiful, important, and worthy as the full moon.
Embracing Every Part of Ourselves
Every part of our cycle is necessary and deserving of expression and love. The next time someone asks how you are, try to pause before giving the automatic response. Instead, take a moment to reflect on how you truly feel in that moment and allow yourself to express it. As you practise this more, you may notice that your emotional state is always in flux, offering endless opportunities to honour each part of yourself as it arises. All feelings are valid and welcome.
Likewise, when someone shares that they are feeling dark, try to hold space for them. Allow them to express that passing feeling without trying to “fix” it or holding them to it later. There is nothing within us that makes us unlovable.
Let us learn to welcome our shadows—both individually and collectively—so we can embody the full range of our human experience in a healthy and compassionate way.
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