Living with Someone in Limerence: What You Need to Know

When someone you love is caught in limerence, the experience can be confusing, painful, and at times overwhelming. You may notice that their focus drifts away from you, their moods rise and fall depending on another person’s attention, and their emotional availability starts to shrink. What feels like obsession to you can feel like life or death to them, leaving both of you caught in a dynamic that is hard to understand from the outside.

Limerence is not simply attraction or a passing crush. It involves intrusive thoughts, emotional dependency, and an almost compulsive need for reciprocation. For the person in limerence, these feelings can dominate their mental and emotional life. For the partner, it can feel like betrayal or abandonment, even if no physical affair has taken place. The longing is directed elsewhere, and the intimacy in your own relationship begins to suffer.

Living alongside this can stir a wide range of emotions. Anger, grief, confusion, and self-doubt are all common. You may question your worth, wonder what you have done wrong, or feel pressured to compete with a fantasy you can never truly match. It is important to recognise that limerence is not caused by your shortcomings. It is a psychological state that arises from within the person experiencing it, often linked to unmet attachment needs, unresolved trauma, or patterns of avoidance and idealisation.

For partners, setting boundaries is crucial. It can be tempting to try to pull your loved one back through persuasion, confrontation, or control, but these strategies rarely succeed. Instead, clarity about your own needs, limits, and expectations helps you stay grounded. Therapy can also provide support, offering a space to process your feelings and explore whether the relationship can heal.

Some couples are able to rebuild after limerence. When the individual recognises the pattern and does the work of self-reflection, therapy, and healing, the relationship can grow stronger. Others may decide that the breach of trust and loss of connection are too deep to repair. Either path requires honesty, compassion, and a willingness to face what is really happening rather than remaining in denial.

If you are living with someone in limerence, know that you are not alone. Many partners face this painful situation, and there is support available. Whether you choose to stay and rebuild, or to step away for your own wellbeing, your experience matters. Understanding limerence is a first step, but tending to your own emotional health is equally vital.

Couples Therapy Session

60

Book Now