Coping with Limerence and Relationship Anxiety During the Holidays

The holiday season can be both joyful and overwhelming. For many people, it is a time filled with gatherings, expectations, and emotional intensity. But for those experiencing limerence, the holidays can amplify longing, obsession, and relationship anxiety in ways that feel especially difficult. The heightened focus on love, togetherness, and celebration can bring up feelings of comparison, fear of being alone, or a desperate hope for reciprocation that remains unfulfilled.

Limerence already creates an emotional rollercoaster, and the holidays can add more pressure. When surrounded by images of happy couples and families, it is easy to feel that something is missing. The gap between reality and fantasy may feel wider, and the longing for a particular person can become even more consuming. It is not unusual for limerent thoughts to intensify at this time of year, especially if there is little or no contact with the person who is the focus of attention.

Relationship anxiety can also increase. If you are in a partnership, worries about emotional distance, comparison, or the fear of disconnection may surface more strongly. The season’s emphasis on closeness can highlight insecurities and create tension, both internally and between partners. If you are single, the cultural messages about romance can make loneliness or unmet needs feel sharper.

Coping begins with awareness. Simply noticing that the season is likely to intensify limerence or anxiety can help you approach it with more compassion for yourself. It is important to ground yourself in practices that support stability, whether that means staying connected to friends who understand, engaging in calming activities, or limiting exposure to triggers like social media comparisons. Shifting attention toward what genuinely nourishes you in the present moment can create small but meaningful relief.

It may also help to reframe expectations. The holidays do not need to look a certain way to be meaningful. They can be about rest, reflection, and small rituals that bring you comfort. By softening the pressure to meet cultural ideals, you may find space to honour your own needs more gently.

If you notice limerence or anxiety dominating your inner world during this season, remember that you are not alone. Many people struggle in similar ways at this time of year, even if it is not spoken about openly. Recognising the pattern is not a weakness but a step toward understanding yourself more deeply. The longing itself carries important information about unmet needs and the desire for connection.

The holidays can be an opportunity to practice kindness toward yourself, to notice where fantasy takes over, and to slowly bring your focus back to what is real and sustaining. Healing from limerence is not about cutting off your capacity to feel, but about learning to root that capacity in relationships and practices that are mutual, present, and life-giving.

If you find yourself caught in patterns of limerence, know that you are not alone. With the right support, it is possible to move beyond obsession and build healthier relationships. I offer individual and couples therapy online and in Mullumbimby. Book a session here. For a deeper exploration, my book Limerence: The Psychopathology of Loving Too Much will be released on December 23 and may offer guidance on your healing journey.

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