Living with Obsessive Love: When Longing Takes Over Daily Life

Limerence is often described as obsessive love because it does not stay contained within private thoughts or fleeting moments of attraction. It spills into daily life and shapes the way people think, feel, and behave. For those who experience it, the focus on one particular person becomes so consuming that it interferes with relationships, work, and even basic self-care. What begins as longing can become a way of life, a pattern that reshapes priorities and narrows attention.

Daily functioning is one of the first areas affected. Concentration suffers, as intrusive thoughts about the other person break into tasks and conversations. Work deadlines can be missed, academic progress can stall, and relationships with friends or family may be neglected. Even rest is disrupted. Sleep is often shortened by late-night ruminating or scrolling for traces of the other person online. These patterns are not harmless distractions but signs that limerence is exerting a powerful grip on the nervous system.

Emotional wellbeing is also compromised. Limerence creates volatility, where a small sign of attention from the person of focus can lift mood into euphoria, and a lack of response can plunge it into despair. The nervous system is caught in cycles of hope and rejection, and this constant swinging makes it difficult to feel stable or grounded. Partners, family members, and colleagues often notice the change and may struggle to understand why their loved one seems so distracted or unavailable.

Physical health can also be affected. Appetite and energy often fluctuate with the emotional highs and lows. Exercise, nutrition, and routine self-care are pushed aside in favour of waiting, hoping, and fantasising. Over time, this neglect contributes to exhaustion, and the body begins to mirror the mind’s preoccupation with depletion rather than vitality.

Living with limerence is not simply a matter of strong feelings. It is a condition that changes how daily life is lived. For those experiencing it, the longing may feel irresistible, even meaningful, but it comes at a cost. Recognising these costs is the first step toward healing. Naming the experience as limerence helps separate the self from the obsession, making it possible to see it as something that can be understood and shifted.

Therapy provides a pathway for recovery, not only by addressing the symptoms but by working with the attachment wounds, trauma, and unmet needs that sustain the pattern. With support, the grip of obsessive love can loosen, and the energy once caught in longing can be redirected toward presence, stability, and relationships that are mutual and real.

If you find yourself caught in patterns of limerence, know that you are not alone. With the right support, it is possible to move beyond obsession and build healthier relationships. I offer individual and couples therapy online and in Mullumbimby. Book a session here. For a deeper exploration, my book Limerence: The Psychopathology of Loving Too Much will be released on December 23 and may offer guidance on your healing journey.

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