How Long Does Limerence Last?

One of the most common questions people ask about limerence is how long it lasts. The intensity of the experience can feel unbearable at times, so it is natural to want to know when it will end. The truth is that limerence does not follow a single timeline. It can last for months, years, and in some cases even decades.

The duration of limerence depends on many factors. For some people the intensity fades after a few months, especially if the relationship becomes clearer or if the person is able to redirect energy into other areas of life. For others it stretches on for years, sustained by uncertainty, fantasy, and unfulfilled longing. There are also cases where limerence persists for decades, often because the object of desire remains distant or unattainable. In those situations the cycle of obsession is rarely interrupted and the mind continues to feed on what could be rather than what is.

Limerence tends to last longer when the relationship is ambiguous. If the other person gives mixed signals or remains unavailable, the nervous system stays caught in a loop of hope and despair. Each small sign of attention fuels the longing, while each absence deepens the craving. This intermittent reinforcement makes it harder to let go. By contrast, when the situation becomes unambiguously clear, the spell often begins to weaken.

Personal history and attachment style also influence the length of limerence. People with anxious attachment may be more vulnerable to prolonged limerence because the need for closeness and fear of loss are heightened. Trauma, loneliness, or unmet emotional needs can also make the experience more enduring, as the limerent person unconsciously seeks healing through the fantasy of connection.

Even though limerence can last a very long time, it is not permanent. Healing begins with awareness of the pattern and with compassion for the part of you that is caught in longing. Therapy, self-reflection, and practices that build secure attachment can help loosen the grip. Over time, the cycle can shift, and the intensity gives way to clarity.

Knowing that limerence can last months, years, or even decades does not mean you are powerless. It means that the experience is real and strong, but also that there are pathways forward. You are not alone in it, and it is possible to find your way to freedom, balance, and connection that feels mutual and sustaining.

If you find yourself caught in patterns of limerence, know that you are not alone. With the right support, it is possible to move beyond obsession and build healthier relationships. I offer individual and couples therapy online and in Mullumbimby. Book a session here. For a deeper exploration, my book Limerence: The Psychopathology of Loving Too Much will be released on December 23 and may offer guidance on your healing journey.

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