Why Limerence Feels Addictive

Many people who experience limerence describe it as feeling addictive. The pull toward the other person can seem irresistible, and the highs and lows mirror the patterns of craving and withdrawal. This is not just a metaphor. Limerence activates the same reward pathways in the brain that are involved in addiction, which helps explain why it feels so consuming.

When attention, validation, or contact is received, the brain releases dopamine. This chemical reinforces the behaviour and fuels a sense of pleasure and hope. The problem is that the dopamine release is unpredictable. You do not know when or how the other person will respond. This kind of variable reward is one of the most powerful drivers of addictive behaviour. It keeps the mind and body hooked, scanning for the next cue of connection.

In limerence, the absence of attention feels like withdrawal. The body responds with anxiety, longing, and preoccupation. Just as with addiction, the relief of getting the “next fix” comes with a cost. The cycle repeats, deepening the dependence and narrowing focus until little else feels important.

This dynamic can be deeply painful. It can pull you away from your own needs, relationships, and sense of self. It is not weakness or failure. It is the way the brain and nervous system respond when desire and uncertainty become intertwined.

Healing from this cycle requires patience and compassion. Therapy can help to slow down the reinforcement loop and build awareness of what fuels it. Practices that regulate the nervous system, restore self-worth, and bring consistency into relationships are powerful ways to interrupt the addictive pattern. Over time, the craving softens and space opens up for connection that feels mutual and grounded.

If you are experiencing limerence, it is important to remember that what feels addictive is not the person themselves but the dynamic created by longing and uncertainty. Recognising this distinction can be freeing. It allows you to begin shifting energy away from the cycle of obsession and toward what nourishes your own wellbeing.

My upcoming book Limerence: The Psychopathology of Loving Too Much explores these patterns in depth and offers tools for moving from addictive longing to clarity and resilience.

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