Why Limerence Feels Like Destiny
- Orly Miller
- 3 days ago
- 2 min read
Limerence can feel unlike anything else. The intensity, the sense of recognition, the pull toward one particular person can make it seem as though fate has stepped in. Many people describe the experience as feeling destined, as if they have found their one true soulmate. The emotions are so strong that it can be hard to believe they come from anywhere but destiny itself.
Part of why limerence feels like destiny is the way the mind and body respond to uncertainty. When a connection is unpredictable, the nervous system heightens its focus. Every look, every word, every sign of attention is magnified. Small moments become charged with meaning, and the imagination fills in the gaps with stories of cosmic significance. What might otherwise be ordinary interactions are experienced as signs pointing to something larger.
The fantasy of destiny also provides comfort. If the bond feels meant to be, it eases the pain of longing. It gives hope that the intensity has a purpose and that eventually everything will align. Yet in reality, this sense of destiny often arises not from the truth of the relationship but from the way the brain processes desire, uncertainty, and unmet needs.
This does not mean the feelings are false. The longing is real, the emotions are real, and the depth of connection experienced in limerence can be profound. What is important to remember is that the feeling of destiny is created within. It comes from the mind’s powerful capacity to attach meaning and from the human need to make sense of longing.
Understanding this can be freeing. It allows us to see the experience not as proof of a fated connection but as a reflection of our own inner world. The pull of destiny in limerence is less about who the other person is and more about what we are seeking. When we bring compassion and awareness to that search, we begin to redirect the sense of destiny toward our own healing and growth.
Limerence may feel like destiny, but what it can ultimately reveal is the longing to be seen, chosen, and loved in ways that are real and reciprocal. When we shift the focus from fate to self-awareness, we create space for connections that are grounded not in fantasy but in the present moment.
If you find yourself caught in patterns of limerence, know that you are not alone. With the right support, it is possible to move beyond obsession and build healthier relationships. I offer individual and couples therapy online and in Mullumbimby. Book a session here. For a deeper exploration, my book Limerence: The Psychopathology of Loving Too Much will be released on December 23 and may offer guidance on your healing journey.